Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Support and Envy

Went to my first meeting in a long time today. Had to squeak in a meeting in August to keep the lifetime membership thing going. For the past few months, I've just popped in for a weighing and then moved on. It's feels a little weird to be in a meeting now. For one, I wonder how many folks wonder "what's he doing here? he doesn't need to lose weight." Also, any time I say anything in a meeting I have a weird self-conscious feeling like it isn't given credence because either a) I'm a man and weight falls off men like melted butter so my perspective is skewed or b) I've made my goal and everything's easier/harder/different in hindsight so my insight doesn't translate (the Vietnam vet commenting on the Gulf War kind of situation).

But Adam's mom, the WW leader, said that she thought it was important that lifetime members show up at meetings to show that the program works and that maintenance works and meetings and ongoing support are important, etc. etc. So, even though I had Mason in tow, I hung out for most of the meeting today. And even though he is the most powerful chick magnet I've ever had at my disposal, he got too antsy after 25 minutes and I had to cut out early (probably could have scored at least 2 phone numbers otherwise, but I'm not bitter) (hey, also, I was just thinking that "Weight Watchers Crashers" might make a good movie...).

At the point in the meeting after the 5 and 10 pound awards, the leader asked for other celebrations and I said that it had been 6 months since I made my goal weight. The applause and general response was supportive but also a bit tepid. And as I looked around I wondered how much envy I was seeing in people's eyes. It wasn't a pleasant feeling. Of course, I could have been projecting or being self-conscious or something, but I didn't see a whole lot of smiles. I don't know exactly what to make of that.

Anyway, the stats are listed below. It's an odd thing that today my HSW and 4W weights were about identical. Maybe 5:30 in the afternoon is a particularly low bodyweight time for me. My spirit is more uplifted at the end of the work day, maybe? Of course, I'm in between jobs now so that doesn't work for today.

I'm also a bit surprised that despite my best efforts, my weight has gone down since last month. I was at Smith Mtn Lake two weekends ago, the beach last weekend, and had friends in town the past two nights who FORCED me to drink beer -- really GOOD beer -- and eat rich food. My one friend was commenting that she thought it had to do with portion control given how the size of the individual servings I was giving myself. It was interesting because that's become almost an unconscious thing for me. I also don't know how much stock to put into that comment because the beer at least always comes in 12 ounce servings.

Tomorrow is the first day of my graduate school class. Everytime I let that bubble up to consciousness, I get all giddy about it. I'm going to be a total geek about this school thing, I can already tell.

MAM: 6+
Last 4W: 161.8
Last HSW: 161.5

Friday, August 19, 2005

Brief

I’ve been trying to carve out some time over the past week to write about what was probably a brief brush with anorexia I experienced a few months ago. It’s a weird thing to describe and haven’t been able to concentrate enough to get the words just right. I’m wrapping up at my current job and it’s clear that, even if I had 3 more weeks instead of the 3 more working days I have left, I couldn’t document and straighten out everything I need to document and straighten out around here. So it goes.

In the meantime, I’ll just say that it doesn’t stop. Or at least it didn’t for me. And what I mean is that voice that says, “you’re looking a little chubby” or “should I really have that second bowl of cereal” or “what a loser, I didn’t get to the gym this week” doesn’t shut the f^&$# up. It keeps on nagging at you.

I guess I put that out there as a word of caution to anyone who might be working the weight-loss mill. Establish objective criteria and believe them. Don’t trust the inner voice unless you’ve got a really well-adjusted, self-bolstering inner voice. Does anyone have one of those?

Friday, August 05, 2005

OAFG

I’ve been linked to and must respond to the call!

My dear friend Don has embarked on another noble quest, the Watching of Weight as per the same program I went through at the beginning of this year. As such, I figured I’d get back in the saddle here and try to post more than once in a chartreuse moon.

In terms of the weight situation, it’s continued to be an interesting road. Back in May I had two events that tested my resolve. I had a diet-free weekend with the guys at Smith Mountain Lake, full of beer and steak and such. When I got back, my weight had spiked up almost 5 pounds. Memorial Day weekend (which involved a trip to Kentucky for me and the fam) saw a similar spike. But each time, I am somewhat amazed to say, I went back to “the plan” and the weight whittled away again. This has cemented my respect for the WW plan and its maintainability. I also believe it may not be some magic of the WW plan but the fact that it’s a plan – ANY plan – and therefore something to fall back on when needed. Sure beats “Damn, blew the diet. Oh well, I guess it’s Ho-Hos all week!”

I did reach a new plateau after May which was a pound or two higher than I was resting at. I haven’t lost a lot of sleep over this since I’m thinking I really could use another couple of pounds added back and that around 165 is probably the most maintainable weight for me. But I’d like to gain it back in muscle rather than fat so I’ve been trying to get to the gym at least once a week and doing a fairly regular sit-up/push-up cycle at home. Don’t have those 6-pack abs yet but at least you can see that I have abs again, which is a huge improvement over a year ago.

So exercise and sleep have become more of the focus. The rest of the fam went out of town for a week and I actually managed to get 6-7 hours of sleep nearly every night. Since they’ve been back there’s been a couple of 4-5 hour nights but this has been balanced by a couple of solid 8 hour nights. It’s a little ridiculous (and vaguely alarming) that even when the family wasn’t around and it was the weekend and I could’ve slept all freaking day, I really couldn’t manage to stay asleep more than 7 hours at a stretch. I’m guessing this is like the weight deal: it’s going to take a while to rewire my chemistry.

There’s a bunch more for me to write about (meandering thoughts on politics, news about upcoming job changes, etc.) That’s going to have to wait for another day. Because, as they say on “Marketplace,” first let’s do the numbers:

MAM: Almost 6
Last 4W (on July 22nd): 162.4
-- this is exactly 2 pounds more than my lowest 4W ever, achieved on May 15th
Last HSW: 161.5