Monday, March 06, 2006

Dammit Child

So my fourth child, my second son, the apple of my blood-stained eye, the cherubic adorable vocabulary-mangling imp who is all of 26 months old is becoming a royal pain in my ass. Over the past couple of weeks, he has taken to waking up before dawn and then proceeding to yell out “DADDY” repeatedly until I come get him. I calmly explain to him that the sun is still sleeping and so is everyone else and so we need to sleep for a little while longer as well. He cheerfully agrees with this assessment of the state of the world and comes along with me calmly as we climb back into my bed for a “snuggle.” Somewhere in his 2-year old mind, however, a “snuggle” has been twisted to mean “poke, prod and annoy Daddy until he MUST get out of bed and get me breakfast.” So I find myself downstairs at 5:30am either cracking eggs or doling out the MiniWheats.

There’re options and variations here, I know. I could let him continue yelling until he gives up out of frustration. Problem is, with 4 others in the house it just means that everyone else suffers and none of them get enough sleep either. I could take naps like he does; unfortunately this is impossible on weekdays and always more difficult on weekends than it should be. I could pack him a picnic breakfast that he could eat in his crib when he wakes up, buying at least 10 more minutes of sleep. Except that cold eggs (or oatmeal) don’t really appeal to him.

So my normal sleep deprived state, which I had hoped to alleviate with my Lenten “no more late nights” rule, has deepened instead of lessened. My lovely wife is supportive of finding a solution to this problem, but for some reason she won’t go along with the Boarding School for Two Year Olds option. I tried to argue that it’s better than boot camp, but she’ll have none of that. Tonight I may pack him a little cup with a bourbon and water mix and see how that works…


Blogger Don Q. said...

Reminds me of the old Johnathon Winter routine where he is pretending to be a child psychologist. Someone calls in and complains that they are having trouble getting their 2 year old to take an afternoon nap. he recommends the following:

"After lunch, take baby bottle and fill it one quarter vodka, one quarter bourbon, one quarter gin and one quarter rum ...

Drink it yourself and you won't give a damm whether yor child takes nap or not!"

9:01 PM  
Blogger Kim Ayres said...

You have my sympathies. Life gets so much easier once they are about 6 or 7 and can sort themselves out in the morning. Once they get to 12 or 13 then you can't get them out of bed for school and you have a whole different set of problems.

5:42 AM  
Blogger Lord Lessismore said...

I like the theory behind J. Winters' method; we need to find some form of alcohol that is less fattening however...

Thanks much for your sympathies. You've described the yo-yo that is my morning: keeping the 5-n-under crowd down and getting the 11-n-older crowd up. I don't know what drugs my wife and I were on when we decided to have four...wait, we didn't decide. We left it at least partially up to fate. Damn fate!

8:50 AM  
Blogger Lord Lessismore said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:51 AM  
Blogger Kim Ayres said...

Ah yes, the old "but I thought it was only 2 days since your period finished, not a week..." I remember it well.

8:59 AM  

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